I'm not sure if we ever really plan to be a parent. We make plans about having children. We may even plan out how we will approach parenting, a theoretical exercise at best. But parenting isn't something you really plan to do, it is what you do in real time. It is the ultimate read and react experience, not unlike that of a quarterback once the football is snapped. We may game plan for a few series, but then we must adjust to the needs of our children. We evolve or we don't, and either outcome is completely up to us. Children don't arrive with user manuals. They show up, and we do our best.
We come into this parenting thing usually on purpose. We have a root knowledge of what it means to be a parent, shaped by how we were parented. We take cues from the parents around us. We have our values, our beliefs, and these likely guide our decision making and our behaviors with regards to our children and to our parenting practices and inclinations. We negotiate a middle ground with our parenting partners; after all, they also bring their upbringing and beliefs to the table. We may read, seek support, talk with our most trusted confidants, and yet in the end we alone decide the kind of parent we will be.
I believe that children are not only our greatest treasure, to be honored as such; they are our mirrors, reflections of who and what we are every day. It's easy to say we believe in fairness, in respect, in honesty, in integrity, in open-mindedness, in fidelity, in kindness--these are lofty and worthy values. Saying we believe a thing and living what we believe are two very different things. Our children know this. They love us no matter what, sometimes to their own detriment. We are their inheritance. It is up to us to be worthy of our children, worthy of their love and adoration, worthy as an example.
I have been a parent long enough to bear witness to both my successes and missteps, and to see my children grow into their adulthood armed with or undermined by my example. After all, we are our children's first and most influential teachers. None of us are perfect, we all fall down, we all make mistakes. We also have moments of parenting brilliance, when our good intentions and love and values find form as real guidance. Our kids are pretty forgiving when we get it wrong, and well served when we get it right. Ultimately, the goal is to get it right more often than not, which is a fair and attainable outcome.
There are about fifty million different views on what it means to be a good parent. I'll concede that in no way do I have the market cornered on parenting wisdom. I have, however, the benefit of having worked with thousands of children and parents, and there are certain truths that cross time and space and cultural lines. Teaching your children to be kind, and to live without prejudice, serves us all. Teaching your children to live their values helps them weather even the most trying of storms. Teaching your children to live with integrity makes them worthy of emulation, the kind of people others will want to know and to love. Teaching your children to be humble, to see the good in others, to instigate hope, to be active members of their community--this is your legacy, how you as a parent give rise to seeds of fundamental change.
It begins now. At pick-up. On the ride home. In the grocery store. At dinner. It begins with you, and the choices you make. From one teacher to another, we are all counting on you.
See you around campus.