My wife and I waited until our children were well into their teens to finally embark on our dream European vacation. We wanted our children to fully comprehend their experience, the history and culture and nuance. We also wanted to be able to enjoy the experience as adults, staying out late as we saw fit, walking further if we so chose, lingering a little longer before eye-catching art and the monuments of western civilization.
One day in Rome, after accidentally disembarking the Metro at the wrong stop, we happened upon a wonderful outdoor market. While my wife and I were immediately attracted to exquisite vegetables, meats, and cheeses, selections to rival any we had ever seen, our sons' attentions drifted steadily towards giant aluminum wine vats. They were both amused and intrigued as locals approached the wine vendor with large plastic jugs, each in turn departing with liters of their choosing. We purchased our portion of wine, along with vibrant tomatoes and fresh sausage and craft parmesan, and made our way to our rental apartment. That night we prepared a spectacular feast, and shared a glass of wine with our children.
They were accustomed to sharing a meal with us. They were shocked that we shared our wine. They had been raised to understand that alcohol was something for later, in their adulthood. Now, we seemed to be breaking our very rule. My wife and I, however, had a plan. It was legal for them to imbibe in Rome, as they were both of sufficient age. We explained that, while in Italy, we were subject to the laws of the country. As they were both of legal drinking age in Italy, they were both allowed a glass of wine. Just one. With a meal. They had their glass, but they were also visibly uncomfortable with this strange, shared experience.
A few days later we were off to Venice. After sorting our things into our rental, we made our way through Arsenal to find ourselves a meal and reprieve from the cold air. At dinner, as we had days before, we invited the boys to have a beer. We again reminded them of the legality of this choice in this different country. We added a second lesson this night. As we moved on from our table to explore the city, we made note that while people consumed alcohol, we had yet to come across anybody inebriated. Our logic was simple, that you could have a drink without need of losing your senses; that you could enjoy a glass of wine with a meal and be happy with only one. Moderation in all things.
A few days later and we were off to Ireland. The rules were different there. When my youngest son, now emboldened, bellied up to the bar at St. James Gate for a pint of Guinness, he found himself subsequently denied by both the barkeep and his father. I reminded him of our earlier rule, that we are subject to the host country's rules, and in Ireland he was not of legal drinking age. I further reminded him that the same was true in the United States.
Our message was clear. We don't drink just to drink, we don't seek to get drunk, we are responsible for our actions, and we obey the laws of our country. There is nothing inherently wrong with alcohol, so long as we make responsible choices. Some choices have to wait until such time as we are sufficiently mature to make wise decisions and own our actions and their consequences. It's our jobs as parents to help our children know that timing and be responsible.
The debacle surrounding the Casa Bavaria incident is a reminder of our responsibility as adults. Our culture is more accepting of underage drinking. Our children are fully aware that the legal enforcement of rules governing underage drinking is all but non-existent here--that they can walk into nearly any gas station or market and walk out with the alcohol of their choosing; enter into nearly any bar and be served. They are well aware that they can rent party buses that supply all the alcohol they can consume with virtually no adult supervision. Wonderful traditions, like the holiday parrandas, are undermined by the consumption of alcohol, a behavior that puts our children at risk. Furthermore, drug dealers intentionally spike alcohol in public places to create the demand for the product, and sow the seeds of addiction.
As we enter into the holiday season, I remind us all that it is our job to protect our children, and to rightly guide them towards adulthood. I remind us all that it is illegal for minors to consume alcohol underage, and adults that support this behavior are legally culpable. I remind us all that violence against teens increases where alcohol is involved, and death rates due to underage drinking spike during the holidays.
Let's all help our children make good choices this holiday season. We are not here to be our children's friends. We are here to be their parents. They will thank you later.
See you around campus.