“Would man but generously snap our chains, and be content with rational fellowship instead of slavish obedience, they would find us more observant daughters, more affectionate sisters, more faithful wives, more reasonable mothers -- in a word, better citizens. We should then love them with true affection, because we should learn to respect ourselves...”
- Mary Wollstonecraft (1792)
I protest the waning of human decency and full frontal assault on civil society. Not long ago I thought, oh my, how far we've come. Alas, those thoughts are no more, and I obsess over how far we've fallen. This political season, base and disgusting, celebrates the very worst of us, and numbs all to crude and indecent behavior that should otherwise leave us up in arms. As an educator annually responsible to hundreds of future women, I cannot remain mute on an issue of particular importance. I am incensed that men, not mean politicians and celebrities of every political strip, those seeking attention for personal gain and political expediency, but fathers and husbands and brothers and sons, good men, who know and love the women of this world, and would do better by them, are resoundingly quiet. Respect and care for women is not a political position. It is a sacred vow.
Our world has long treated women, more than half of our kind, as second class citizens, subjects to social servitude and the whims of men. I betray an anachronistic attitude that relegates women as caregivers and custodians to generations and the homes of men, and that presumes the only rightful place for women is before the hearth and in the bed. The June Cleaver fantasy is something most families can ill afford, in practice, and definitely in spirit. I also speak to a world that characterizes women as too emotional to lead, too soft to 'wear big boy pants', too weak for combat, and that pays them, in the U.S. alone, twenty-two percent less than a man to do the same job, and far worse if they are a minority female. When a man leaves the family, it is more often than not a woman that has to pick up the pieces and soldier on. Thirty-two percent of these single moms live in poverty, and yet must make ends meet and make things go. That's on us men.
The fantasies of men further denigrate women. We objectify women, make them into Barbie Dolls and swimsuit models and eye candy. In the extreme, these fantasies fuel the illicit sex trade and sexual violence, and, especially in underdeveloped countries, all forms of disease. Women are compelled to look and act in such a way so as to be socially acceptable to men, to get a job, and to find a mate, but opportunity gained also comes with opportunity cost. Women are daily subjected to a litany of humiliations, small and hard words, demeaning and isolating behaviors and characterizations. They are passed over and neglected, in public and private. All manner of fashion is promoted by industries that pander to the wants of men and merchandize the sexualization of even girls. Body shaming is continuous and vile, a background noise in the lives of girls and women. Eating disorders that kill our daughters are a direct consequence of the psycho-social fallout of objectification.
The socialization of men has a lot to do with the state of affairs for women. If we raise our sons to see women as equals, we break the chain for both. Our messaging, however, must be clear. There can be no bedroom talk, no tales of sexual conquest and exploitation, no trophies. There can be no ready assumptions as to what women can and cannot do, an attitude never applied wholesale to manhood. There can be no violation of our responsibilities and accountabilities as men. There can be no tolerance for violence against women. The number one way to undermine, perhaps even eradicate poverty, is to empower women.
Our most recent election cycle exposes many of the darkest attitudes we harbor as a society, and especially about women. Yes, a nominee for our country's highest office crossed too many lines to count. Let his maker be his judge. Far worse are the apologists that contort themselves in knots trying to justify attitudes and behaviors that denigrate women and excuse away patterns of sexual discrimination and assault. The other candidate, as imperfect and unpopular as she may be, suffers hazing on an unprecedented scale not only because of her well-documented and problematic public life, but because she is a woman. I dare you to find another major candidate in the history of American politics who endures a sexually demeaning epithet in national discourse. To try in the court of public opinion a victim of marital infidelity, and somehow equate her predictable defense of her spouse and family with the bawdy and demeaning chauvinism and worse of her challenger, is an injustice men will never know. We are quick to blame women for the sins of their husbands; the same does not hold true for men. In the ugly world of politics, we set a far lower bar for public behavior. What's more, this gross spectacle emboldens boorish and untenable behavior in men. It has to stop.
Treat every woman with the same measure of respect that you treat your mother. It's an old idea, and a powerful one. If you recognize in each woman their equal station and worth, their powerful ability to contribute to all aspects of public and private life, their life-giving and life-affirming capacities, you assist a different outcome for our mothers, our sisters, our wives and daughters. Without them there is no us, and without them life wouldn't matter anyway. I am so honored to play a small role in the lives of hundreds of girls as they make their way towards their adult lives. Let's make sure that when they get there, what awaits is a society worthy of them.
See you around campus.